


Pieces of my mind

by Janiraia



Category: Younger (TV)
Genre: #TeamJosh, Age Difference, Break Up, Declarations Of Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Josh and Liza, Love, Piece of mind, Team Josh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:21:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25629628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janiraia/pseuds/Janiraia
Summary: Josh figures it out. It is not about age, children or appropriateness. It is not about love. This is why she doens't need a declaration of love. Let's think about risk, wagemut und life instead.
Relationships: Josh/Liza Miller
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Pieces of my mind

**Author's Note:**

> In search of Fanfictions about Liza and Josh I was shocked to realize that there are nearly none. The people who are #TeamJosh (I know, you’re out there) and the people who write Fanfictions are clearly not the same. Well, I like Josh. But I didn’t write a Fanfiction in over a decade. I just quitted one day, because I wasn’t good enough. Still. I have so much to say. I was searching for a Fanfiction because I like Liza and Josh so much and I wished they talked more about their issues, had more time and more chances to figure it all out. Especially because I think there are things written in the background of their relationship the series didn’t explore yet. And so, here it comes. Written in the night, not in my first language. I don’t have a Beta. And I didn’t thought about it twice. It’s not a declaration. Its a study of Liza. In Josh’ head.

A declaration of love wouldn't be enough. It wasn't. The first time he tried. Or the second.

His pleading eyes weren't enough, nor was his desperation that everyone (except for her) saw so clearly in his expressions. His willingness to give his all to someone else wasn't a message to her, thank goodness. Since she didn't understand it this way. Or if she did, she didn't care – enough. He didn't convince her with a kiss on the night before his wedding, or did he? Well, he wouldn't know. She'd never tell or fight. Not in the morning, not after he came back. Well, she didn't fight for him – sincerely – the first time they broke up. And the second time was their point of no return, not counting the many break-ups in-between. Of course, this wouldn't have been the time for a declaration. Maybe it was this generation-thingy, but she never fought in the same ways he did. Obviously, she never punched someone. Yeah, he knows very well that wasn't the cleverest thing to do). Still felt great though. So maybe she didn't deserve him after all. That's what everyone was talking about, including her. It seems to be getting down to two things: He was too young and she was too self-indulging. She was the name-giver of her own show, the centre of attention. _She was the one brave enough to change her age to survive in a world that left her behind_. Drama didn't happen to her, she was drama. Not in a bad way. Not in the queen of drama kind of way. It was just, she wasn't happy with easy going. It makes her nervous. She couldn't trust it anymore. This wasn't on her age. This was on David. He himself was the king of easy-going. Normally. If Drama lets him alone, what it did. Before she turned up and left. But a thunderstorm could never stay 20.000 miles under the sea for long. Was this a reference? She would be proud. Drama couldn't fell in love with easy-going, because then it would cease to exist. _It takes one kind of bravery to turn your life upside down, a whole other thing to let it settle down again_. He thought of Liza as brave. Reckless as fuck. But in this instance, he realized: In order to find the normal that everyone craves, she was choosing the familiar. Marry the devil you know and keep drama at bay. This kind of life exploded once, it could again and she would know how to handle it. Maybe she hopes that she sees it coming and might be able to stop it. Subconscious is calling – and therefore an older man makes her happier than everything he could give her, because he would be the unknown. Maybe she wasn't reckless at all. Maybe desperation dictated her actions all along. Not that this wasn't something he couldn't understand. In the end, he took a similar course of action. Instead of staying alone, he found himself someone else to love desperately, to marry and to have a family with. Not in the exact way he dreamt of with her, but in the end… There was a time he convinced himself about being where he was meant to be. He chose the familiar too. We're living in the pattern of our own footsteps. He thought he was different than that.

They weren't meant to be. Not because he was younger, or she was older. He was sure of it. It wasn't her lies that kept them apart, it wasn't his inability to see what was right under his nose. This was about personality. It was about daring. One of his German friends called it wagemut. He liked something about the word. He was told it was old-fashioned. He couldn't think of a better way to describe their relationship. He thought it was the one thing she was having tons of in business life and none in her love life.

Their whole relationship was a constant dance around her age whether he knew it at the time or not. It's a sad realization that they possibly fought the wrong battle. Well, he fought the wrong one, because she didn't. Was he unfair? Of course, she fought battles. Just not for him, when he decided to go. She just didn't fight for him. But he figured it out. It wasn't because she didn't love him. It was because she respected him too much. She respected his decisions. Even the ones he still has to make. She assumed there were too many left. Instead of taking one after one, battling them together, she made up her mind. Deciding what's best for both them and run. Talking before the world explodes never was her strong suit. Maybe that's why she lies so much. And why she likes running for what she knows. He gets it, really. It's hard to turn your life upside down, facing the unknown. Still. She should have been brave instead of imagining (for him) what his life could be without her and scare herself about the possible-impossible turmoil that might or might not happen in any shared future. She broke his heart to avoid another heartbreak herself. Left before she would be left alone. She turned to a man who is a symbol of her old life. In a benevolent story someone might tell you that she just chose _another version of herself_. She saw in him another version of herself. It's always easier, knowing what you get beforehand. 

Either way, there are reasons why she is attracted to the older man. It might help that he reads, understands the same jokes and shares similar experiences, but he doesn't believe that this is what love is about. He knows, she doesn't believe it either. This is why she didn't give them a fighting chance. She didn't let them have time to figure things out. Why? Oh, he knows the answer. Because it is a risk and it takes trust. _And she wasn't brave, she was desperate_. Instead of choosing what she wanted, when she ran away from her old life, she chose _another version of said life_. The risk of being lonely was too much for her. Desperation not bravery. As if. Even if he decided to leave her in ten years in order to have a traditional family, or because she wasn't beautiful anymore (as if he could even imagine himself doing that). Even if. She wouldn't be alone. Just as he now stays in her life, he would stay in her later life. She would have her friends. She wouldn't be alone. She stands there. She looks at him with pleading eyes. She asks him to understand. And he does. He sees her choosing a likely life-long, compatible, save relationship over their romance. And he respects her too. Just as much as he respects her decisions. It is a decision everyone is free to make. Everyone might be right betting against upside-down. It takes a one of a kind bravery to turn your life upside down, a kind of bravery you think not everyone has twice. But he never thought of her as anyone. Wasn't she reckless? Wasn't she the one brave enough to change her age to survive in a world that left her behind? But he respects her decisions. _He just wants to be sure she is deciding on the right case, not the one she made up in her mind._ Not the one about age, children and appropriateness. **No, this decision is about risk, trust and one's way to live this life.**

Now he stands at the edge of the water with the one person who is maybe as brave as she is desperate, just as crazy as she is kind and for sure a little more self-centred than she is emotional intelligent. And he doesn't declare his love. _They both know that his love isn't enough to change her mind_. What can he say in a last attempt to change her mind? It is not going to be: "Seriously?"


End file.
